The Brain at 50

About six weeks ago a shooting pain started in my right elbow.  I thought it would go away, so I ignored it.  After all, at 50, lots of things hurt.  But it didn't go away.  It got more frequent and my co-worker seemed concerned and said I should take some aspirin.

That got me worried.  I did a little digging and was able to diagnose myself with deep vein thrombosis. Yeah, I was going to take aspirin FOR SURE!  I made an appointment with the doctor. My symptoms got a little better.

In the meantime, I'd become a little congested and on the day of my appointment, I had a full on head cold. On the drive over to the doctor's office, I called Fred. "Is the doctor on Keene Road or Belcher?"

"Belcher!" He said it with a tone in his voice like he was completely amazed that I would not know what road the doctor was on.  It had been two years since I've been to the doctor's office, but still.  I should have remembered.  I said thanks and hung up.

I did give one or two thoughts as to why I didn't remember, but soon was concentrating on traffic, which did seem to require more of my attention that morning.

When I got to the doctor's office, they gave me a form to fill out because it had been two years since I had been in.  I started to fill it out and stopped at the social security number section. The first five went pretty well.  Then, the last four digits were a bit of a problem.  I got the first two, but the second two, hmmmm.  Did they go this way or this way? I just put a little question mark next to the numbers.

Really?  I've been coming here for 16 years.  You don't know my social security number by now?  I can't help you.  (Actually, I really can't help you because I actually can't remember the order of those last two numbers.  Figure it out yourselves.).

The nurse called my name.  I grabbed a tissue on my way in.  I was really congested.  We went back to the room and she began to ask me questions about what medications I took:

"How much of that?" She asked.

"Three." I grabbed a tissue and sneezed.  Would my head explode?  So much pressure.

"No.  How many milligrams?" She had my chart filled with 16 years of information in front of her.

My head was pounding.  I was sweating. It was like the road question.  Belcher or Keene.  And the social security number.  "I don't know." She looked at the chart and wrote down a number.

"How about this one?"

"Oh. Just the one big pill." She was giving me an odd look.  I started to get worried.  Was I supposed to have all this memorized?  I remembered my neurologist had given me a card to write all of this prescription nonsense down.  I looked for it.  I didn't have it.

She consulted the chart and wrote something down.  Damn.

"And this one?" Am I getting graded on this? Is there a camera in here?

"Point one two five." Woot! Score one for me.  I stop myself from fist pumping.  The next three were as needed, so yea me.  But the last one I didn't know.

"I don't know." She went back to her disappointed look. She glanced in her file and wrote it down.  Damn it.  If she had all the answers, why did she continue to ask me? Honestly! Why didn't I remember the strengths?  Why didn't I remember the street the doctor was on? Why didn't I remember my SSN?

Wait a minute.  I'm 50 now.  Do I have Alzheimer's?

I wait until she leaves and then I pulled out my iPhone and looked up symptoms of Alzheimer's.  I looked at the stages of Alzheimer's.

1. Stage 1 no impairment.  OK 
2. Stage 2 memory lapses. Check.  Got those.  Street names.  Forgot them.
3. Stage 3 trouble remembering names, with memory. Check.  Forget names all the time.
4. Stage 4 Impaired ability to perform challenging mental arithmetic — for example, counting backward from 100 by 7s

At this point I thought to myself

100...93....................OMG! I have Alzheimer's! There was no way I could count back from 100 by 7s. Who does that?

Then my doctor walked in.

"And what are you here for today?" She said.

I looked up at her from where I was sitting with my iPhone in my hand, still glowing with the stage 4 diagnosis and said, "Well, I thought I was here because my elbow hurt, but I think now that I have stage 4 Alzheimer's. I mean, I just turned fifty, and now I can't remember what street you are on or my medications. "

She started to laugh.  "You sound a little congested.  Are you feeling ok?"

"No.  I have a cold."

Turns out a cold will screw with your brain just as much as Alzheimer's, although I'm not really all that good with the counting backward, but at least I can get past 93!  And I don't advise self diagnosis while at the doctor's office while you have a head cold! Or if you are the least bit of a hypochondriac, which evidently, I must fall into that category.

I do advise that you see your doctor every year.  That makes remembering what road they are on much easier.

Turning 50: Who Knew I Had Such Poetic Friends?

I turned 50 on Friday and contrary to what the media leads you to believe, it was quite an enjoyable experience. I've never been one to lament the turning of the years, so I didn't expect to gnash my teeth or have a nervous breakdown, but this joyful bit of harmony has been quite a boon.

Fred and I decided that in lieu of a present that we would just have a nice dinner out with friends.  So, we invited friends to dinner and we had that dinner last night.  My mom, who is ever thoughtful, bought lovely flowers for the table: 

The lovely bouquet that mom bought for the table.  I sat by it. It had yellow, pink and orange flowers.

My good friend Nancy, who also raises guide dog puppies seen with me below, was very sweet and got me a birthday tiara (how can you have a birthday without one?!) and balloons. 

Cheryl and Nancy.  Cheryl has her tiara on and it matches her purple dress. How did Nancy know?

When Nancy asked Fred about the tiara and balloons I think Fred got a little nervous and didn't know what to say. Nancy just told him not to say anything and she would handle it!  It worked out great!

The balloons were awesome.  They are at home now.

Fred had asked people not to bring gifts, but to bring a poem or funny card instead.  Several of our friends did write amazing poems. And I am realizing now that I didn't get photos with everyone! Poo! 

Susan, Cheryl and Nancy

It has been so much fun to add all of the amazing puppy raiser friends into our lives.  We consider ourselves very blessed since we have moved to Florida to have such a nice friend group.  It was really special to have this dinner and know that we truly do have lovely, kind friends.

What is so great is that our friends from all of our walks of life, Paradyne, Berkeley and puppy raising, come together and get along.  It truly was a very enjoyable dinner last night.  The couple on the left, Bob and Suzanne along with Patrick and Theresa gave me a concrete fire hydrant, which also doubles as a fountain.  This hydrant (see below) caused quite a stir with the wait staff as they all wondered, What in the HELL did this mean?  Finally, near the end of dinner, they could stand it no longer and sent the head waitress over to me to ask.  I told them about raising guide dog puppies and that it was actually a fountain.

Fire hydrant lawn ornament for peeing or for a fountain! 8-)

It weighed a ton!  Suzanne also got me a book by Gail Sheehy living a passionate life.  Sounds interesting!

Notice everyone but me is looking away.

I reverted back to the sorority photo days in the photo above.  We used to have our formal parties and you always had a photographer walking around taking candid shots.  Candid, haha.  We would pose and shout, "Over here!"  So, you got very good at realizing where the camera was and then smiling.  This was one of those shots.  Scary.

Susan and Brian are first couple on the right hand side and then Ken and Linda are the second couple next to them down the table.  Here is Susan's poem:

Nifty Shifty

Cheryl Is Fifty

Brian picked out a very funny card.

Now, Linda and Ken were bad and got me a present (super cool crochet bowl) and a card (thank you!), and it was a little too loud for everyone to hear Ken's wonderful poem, but here it is.  He had an introduction that reference the our puppy blog and how it had made him laugh and cry and how much they enjoyed reading it.

Stopping by the hardware aisle while shopping

With (many) apologies to Robert Frost

by Ken Ko

 Whose store this is I think I know.

Our friendly local Home Depot;

Yet Jam thinks there's a men's room near;

A quite appalling place to go.

I thought I made it very clear

That we would not be stopping here,

Caught by surprise, I hadn't planned

 To turn and see Jam's hunched up rear.

If only there was some command

To stop this act in no man's land.

But he commits, so I do too.

At least, I have things well in hand.

The store has nuts, and bolts, and glue,

But I have cleanup work to do, 

And miles to go so he can poo,

And miles to go so he can poo. 

 Tremendous!  If you want to read the original story, click on the link.  It is pretty funny, but I wouldn't want to do it again.  Wait, I did.  Damn.  I need to stop doing that!!

 Now, the first couple on the right is Michele and Erik and together with their son Kelland, they came up with this limerick (and a nice gift card):

There once was a woman, CD

Who raised puppies to help people see.

   She liked to crochet little hats

   But never for cats

Yet she is still our favorite lady!

Woot! I love it.   I also love the Downton Abbey card that the couple on the left gave me: Kim and Mark.  They have been good friends for years and it was so good to have them with us at the celebration!

The Downton Abby Card. Did you notice the poo bag?

I have to say that Fred did an amazing job organizing and coordinating the whole dinner!  He was splendid.  I have the best husband there is!

Fred with balloons.

 Our friends Christy and Eliot gave me a really funny card (and a gift card) about the light at the end of the tunnel.  I actually laughed out loud.

I stole this photo of them from their facebook site,  because I don't have a shot of them together.

Here is there poem:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

If you get lost

We will put out a silver alert for you!

Aren't they sweet?!

Fred and Nancy.

Cheryl and Melisa.

Melisa, my screenwriting partner, found a fabulous screenwriting t-shirt for me and a cool Paris Tervis mug for me to use as we write. She is a very thoughtful gift giver. (A trait all my friends seem to share! I am very, very lucky.)

The final poem of the evening was written by Carrie and it was splendid!

Carrie, from her facebook page.

There once was a friend from Clearwater

Who enjoyed being her own dog walker

But one day without fear

She said, "Fred, Dear,

I think we should raise dogs for others!"

"Bingo!" Said Fred "What's the plan?

Let's try not to get in a Jam.

I've got an approach,

We should get a Coach!"

And so the adventure began.

Willow said, "I was alone.

A one dog house and my bone.

And now it's all screwy."

Her eyes got all Dewey 

 "Why wouldn't they just get a clone?

 

 So Birthday Girl, here's to you

 50 years, full of life and alive!

 You've got a big heart,

 You're doing your part

 Let's stay at 49.95! 

Nancy, Cheryl, Brian and Susan, with Susan clowning around!

 And finally, the gang was all there.  We had a few people who were either out of town, or sick or just couldn't make it, and we are sorry they couldn't!  We missed you!!  But we had you there in spirit.

The gang!

Thanks for making my journey to the other side of 50 a pleasant one!